For My Little Boy

Day 11: A deceased person you wish you could talk to……..

Dear Daniel,

Oh, my sweet baby boy.  I should never have to write you this letter.  I should never have to think your name when asked about a deceased person I want to talk to.  I should never have to have a thought of you when I pass a funeral home.  I shouldn’t because you should be sleeping in the room across the hall with your brothers right now.  You should be here every day for me to talk to, to listen to, probably get mad and yell at, and love.

I want you to know, that not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.  I try to make a point to talk about you with your brothers and sisters, to keep you alive in their minds.  Your older siblings all remember you, and miss you as I do.  Your younger brother bitterly resents that he wasn’t yet born when you were.  Sam, more than anyone else, talks about you often.  He is proud that he has his big brother as his guardian angel, to always watch over him.  I truly believe that you do watch over him, and over all of us, always.

I want you to know, that I still miss you every day.  At this time of year especially, so close to your birthday.  Not only because of that, but at the beginning of the school year, while I am running around getting everyone the things they need for school, I wonder about the kinds of things I would be, should be, buying for you.  You would be in sixth grade now, not a baby anymore.  I would be worried about you in middle school, but not as much, because Allison would be in the same school as you, at least for this year.  Allison, you may know, was born to be a mother, and would make sure you were okay.

I want you to know that I love you, and always will.  A mother loves their children from the second they find out that a child is coming.  It doesn’t matter if they are together for a minute, a day, or a lifetime, that love does not go away for as long as she draws breath.  I want to live a life that makes you proud.  I want to be the mom you would want to have, not just the one you ended up with.

I want you to know, that you are still considered a very real member of my family.  I have six children.  You are my son, and you are missed and loved every day, by all of us.  I know one day we will meet again.

I love you,

Mommy

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