Dear Mom

Day 3: Your Parents………..

This is part 2 of day 3 of the 30 Day Letter Challenge

Dear Mom,

Our relationship has certainly had its ups and downs, but I think we do pretty well now, for the most part.  I think it’s probably for the best, that we live as far apart as we do, and see each other once a year at the most.  Our personalities tend to collide when we live close enough for constant contact.

I know I have told you before, but now seems to be the perfect time to tell you again.  I know I was impossible for a long time.  I am so sorry, I know I put you through hell.  All the times I have called you, just at a total loss about Megan, I know you don’t have any idea what to do.  You had no idea what to do with me, and you had never done anything like what I did, so how could you.  That’s what I think about.  I was a “wayward teen,”  I know the signs of pot smoking, drinking, you didn’t.  You must have thought I had lost my mind.

I am sure that finding out your 19-year-old, single daughter was 5 months pregnant, exactly one week after your husband moved out completely unexpectedly was horrible.  I am so grateful to you for letting me and Jessica live with you.  Jessica, I know, benefited greatly by living with you for her first three years.  I know she appreciates it too.

I was thinking about writing this letter, and it occurred to me that one of the biggest resentments I held on to from my childhood is that you read my diary.  That makes me laugh now, seeing as I now write my most intimate thoughts and feelings in a forum where anyone who has access to the internet can read it.  I do think, though, it was around that time that I started hiding my true self from everyone, even from me.

I still do hide a lot from you, and that is sad.  There is a whole list of topics that I would like to talk to you about, and a whole list of things I wouldn’t like to talk to you about, but as my mom, you probably should be told.  I think I try to protect you from what you will consider the ugly parts of my life.  Some of  them aren’t ugly, they are actually pretty beautiful, but I don’t think you would see it that way.  Admittedly, you are much more open-minded now than you were while you were married to dad, so I could very well be underestimating you.  I hope so.

My kids totally adore you, I hope you know that.  I love that they do.  They always look forward to your visit, and they can identify your perfume anywhere.  I love that they will always associate the smell of Obsession perfume with you, as I do.

I am glad that we can talk with each other as equals now.  That is a good thing to come from my leaving my marriage.  I really feel like it brought us closer together, and I am grateful to you for that.  I love you.

Love,

Jenn

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