Tonight as I was listening to my children drive each other insane, as I argued with Megan, already, about weather or not she could go out this weekend, for one split second I thought the unthinkable. I could leave and let them see what it would be like without me. Wow! Please understand, that it was just for a second that I thought that. I wouldn’t really disappear from my children’s lives, ever. However, not too long ago, I was living separately from Bob, and I had every other weekend child free. At first, I hated my weekends without them.
I am an extremely emotional person. Everyone reading this that knows me in real life is nodding in agreement with me right now. When I’m sad, I cry. When I’m mad, I yell. When I’m happy, I laugh, sometimes sing. I can’t control it, I can’t save it until I have privacy, it just happens. The closest I can come to controlling these emotions of mine is to have time alone, regularly. Somehow that helps me to regroup, and figure out why I am feeling the way I do, and move on from there. That’s what my childless weekends became for me. Alone time.
I miss my alone time. That is one of the best things about being single, I don’t have to give any of my time to another person. God, that sounds horrible and selfish, doesn’t it? I just mean that after my kids and my job, right now whatever time is left is mine. In my last relationship, I didn’t read a single book. I didn’t write. I barely ever talked to my friends. Every bit of my time and attention was directed to my relationship. Now, my time is taken by my children, but eventually, blessedly, they are finished with me for the day. Then I can read, write, blog, workout, whatever. Not as much as my childless weekends, but until Bob finally moves out, it’s as good as it’s gonna get.
Am I the only one that feels this way? Do you need alone time, too?