It occurred to me that I am going to have to refer to the people in my life occasionally. So for confidentiality purposes, I have re named these people and I am going to present them all now, to avoid confusion.
1. Mr.Wrong- my almost but not technically ex husband. Depending on how badly he pisses me off, he could also be referred to here as King Douche.
2. Mama Ho- my best friend and roommate. Hopeless shopaholic, heart of gold, with an unfortunate innate ability to pick the wrong life partners.
3. Baby Whore- Daughter of Mama Ho, lives in the room next to mine. She is 22, and acts it most of the time. She likes to sleep, watch TV, and eat Ben and Jerry’s.
4. The Enforcer- Son of Mama Ho. He lives down the street from us with Mama’s ex#2. He comes over as needed to bring children in line. He makes me laugh.
5. Fluffy- son of Mama Ho. He lives here part time. He is twelve. He likes to fight with the other children in the house. Then we send him back to the enforcer.
6. Prostitot- daughter of Mama Ho. She is 9 but she thinks she is 25. She likes to tell us where babies come from. She will demonstrate for you with her teddy bear if you want. She scares me.
7. Juicy- My daughter. She lives far away now. She lives with her boyfriend, Lump.
Juicy just turned 21. She thinks its funny to drunk text me. I am not amused.
8. Tinkerbell- My daughter. She is 16, and the mother of BabyG. She is tough as nails on the outside, fiercly loyal, and a great mom. She has quite a temper.
9. Bear Cub- My son. He is 15. He likes to play video games. He does NOT like heart to heart talks with his mother.
10. Alley Cat- My daughter. She is 12 years old, she also thinks she is 25. She is very fashion conscience. Usually she is very sweet, but she can turn on you in a heartbeat if you make her mad.
11. Bug- My youngest son. He is 8. He thinks his mother is the greatest person in the world. I like that.
12. BabyG.- My grandson. He is 8 months old. I think he is the greatest baby in the world.
13. Pokey- Mama Ho’s boyfriend. He doesnt talk much. He sleeps a lot. We have bitchfests about him often. Mama Ho leads the bitchfests.
14. Basement Dweller- He lives here too, in the basement. He plays video games. All. The. Time. That’s about all he does. We see him when he is hungry.
So, that is us. Much more to come!