So, New Years Eve. I really can’t say that I’m sorry to see 2009 come to an end. This has been an incredibly hard year. When I was thinking about writing this post, phrases like “the worst year of my life”. or “the year of a million mistakes” immediately popped into my head. As I thought about it, though, I realized that isn’t entirely true. Yes, I have made mistakes this year, it’s a side effect of being human. Yes, some mistakes I made over and over again, it’s a side effect of being a forgiving person. There have been things this year that I am proud of, things I am so grateful for, and next year holds more promise than any year I can remember.
This year I took a long, hard look at myself, and my life. I realized that only I could change the way my life was going, and the deep unhappiness that I had lived with for so long. I found love in a completely unexpected way, and took a chance. I handled this the completely wrong way, and the relationship that I started was completely inappropriate, but it was what I needed at that time. I hurt people, and I was hurt. I learned to love in a whole new way.
My first grandchild was born this year. I had no knowledge or warning that he was coming, and I think I handled it pretty well. I was there for my daughter, without exception. I watched her give birth to this beautiful, healthy baby boy, and I will forever be grateful for that experience. He is a joy, and a blessing to everyone who knows him.
I met and loved an amazing person who helped me see that I was stronger than I ever knew. I was able to leave an unhappy marriage and stand on my own(with the help of amazing friends). I learned how to trust myself, to rely on myself, and to stand up for myself for the first time in my adult life.
I have learned to be more careful in choosing who to love. I no longer feel the need to cling to the first person who says I love you. Better yet, I learned that it’s ok if no one says that for a while. I like being on my own. I like being “me” as opposed to “us”.
2010 holds a lot of uncertainty, to be sure. I know that there will be a lot of challenges, and there will be times that i want to craw into a hole and hide, rather than face obstacles as I am faced with them. I also know that I have an amazing group of friends who will continue to be there for me, and support me every step of the way in this journey, and for that I am eternally grateful.